|I had already been
hypomanic for some time when I believe I went up over the top. I
had started a little business of
my own selling rocks and crystals and anything
else that would fit the Shirley McLaine craze
of the time. I became fanatical about it. I
learned all there was to know about each stone and every
crystal. How to buy and who to sell to.
I would drive over fifty miles in the morning to get some rocks
that were trash from building roads and sell them by noon for several
hundred bucks. Over and over.
My wife and I were on shaky grounds
I had just returned home from being gone with my son camping for a couple months. She had filed for divorce and had it
written in the papers I could not leave the state
with my son cause I was practicing witch craft “devil worship”.
This was real amusing to me because
all I was doing was meditating and
selling rocks. Finally she went to Portland with some friends
from her church and she never came home. I got worried when I
couldn’t find her. Then I started to not sleep at all. I
was already only getting three or four
hours a night. I called every hospital then the State Police.
No wife and kids anywhere.
Well by now I was really flying.
I decided to get my mind off it and get busy, so one day I took off
and went on a buying spree.
I was looking at some raw emeralds when I got this terrible
overwhelming urge to call home.
Maybe they are home.. I called and it was someone else in my
house. I heard the voice of one
of my wife’s religious fanatic friends, I heard my daughter
screaming so I didn’t know what to think….I rushed home I think I
went 25 miles in about 15 minutes. There was no one there. I
went to open the door the
lock had been changed. Now I was beginning to see the Light.
So I rushed to the back door it
was changed too. I busted it down.
Ring Ring it was the police
“didn’t you get the notice to leave?”
I told the officer to fuck off. I
wasn’t leaving my house.. We had a bit of a stand off for
several hours. I
decided to go out and was thrown down and taken away. Only to be
released at the cop shop.
I was wide awake and ready to take
on the world. But things started to get real sketchy here
especially in my memory so please
excuse if I jump all over the place, with this. Now I needed a
place to stay. So to the
motels I went. I was so horny, I decided to go to one of the
bars nearby. But on my way it was like magic
or as if these women had radar, they popped out of no where.
Lots and lots of them.. I had my pick.
I wasn’t lonely and I knew just where to find me a harem. Now
all I had to do is make sure I
had enough money.. I couldn’t
get to my stones and things (instruments of the devil) these fucking
religious nuts were pissing me off
I decided to call my wife and see
what’s up “satan I rebuke you” is all I’d get when I asked for anything of mine. Now I was
real upset, why was she talkin so weird. I decided to
check out the preacher of the
church she was going to ask him what was up. After a brief
altercation of words he said “satan I rebuke
you”. I said that’s not my
name and for him to fuck off. It felt so good as I walked out
the door of his church and
I heard his copy machine blow up. I started going church to
church. I need to go home pray
for me.. Oh no you need to change first. No sleep now for weeks
I guess I think I got drunk and
passed out with Jake the dog a couple
of nights in a friends back yard.
Now I was real bold. I’d go to
bars and try and get into trouble. Drive all night around and
around. I was not too picky about the women I picked up by now it
didn’t even matter if they were sitting next to their husbands
in a bar or restaurant. Then I remembered something
my wife had said to me a few
months before. Patsy says “you are satan”. Ok It was
Patsy. That is who is causing all this pain. I had this
terrible urge to go and tear Patsy’s heart out. Why not I
don’t have my family I’m sleeping where ever I can. I
couldn’t decide whether to kill myself or Patsy or the both of us, I
was really spinning. I drove and drove all around up and down
every street in Salem.
About this time I called my
psychologist who I hadn’t seen in a while and let him in on
what was happening. My psychologist had treated me for years
for stress and depression and I trusted him with anything. He
asked me to do myself a favor and go to mental health and from there I
went to the State Hospital for three weeks where I was diagnosed
Bipolar. This was not the first manic episode I had experienced,
it was the first time I found out what it was. I am very
thankful I took my psychologist advice. I started lithium
during my stay at the hospital over 12 years ago. Although
my drug cocktail has changed over the years I have stayed on meds
almost religiously and never since then had that long or serious
mania. I do still have my moments from time to time