The Green Pencil

 

    I remember it seemed unnaturally bright the last day I worked; and that it was the day after I used the green pencil. In the months prior to my bipolar diagnosis, life became progressively more surreal and took on the raw, vibrating quality of a Keith Haring painting.
   

    There were endless new thoughts to think, emotions to feel and realities to ponder. It kept me up nights. Sleep became life’s whipped cream; sweet, but entirely unnecessary. 
 

     I took up drawing with a vengeance. I poured all my thoughts out on paper and the confusion came out as waves of color. New and old demons started to appear in my drawings; demons I thought long since exorcized. Rainbows of emotion. Rainbows without green, green was evil.    

    The day I drew the green woman I knew something had changed. I was shaking. And shaken.

 
    At the time I knew my life was spiraling; but not that I was so close to total chaos. I was like a juggler trying to defy gravity with just one more ball - Always just one more ball. The longer I kept them all in the air the more convinced I was that I could keep juggling, forever. Inevitably gravity won, the balls fell, and I used the green pencil.

 
    I never did work after that day but I have come to terms with the color green. Although even after seven years the world still seems unnaturally bright.

© January 2005 All material is the sole property of the author and my not be reproduced without written permission.


 

Bipolar World   © 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014
Owners:  Allie Bloom, David Schafer, M.Ed. (Blackdog)

Partners:  John Haeckel, Judith (Duff)
Founder:  Colleen Sullivan
Email Us at Bipolar World


About Us  Add a Link  Advance Directives  Alternative Treatments  Ask the Doctor   Ask Dr. Plyler about Bipolar Disorder   Ask The Doctor/Topic Archives  Awards  Benny the Bipolar Puppy  Bipolar Chat  Bipolar Children  Bipolar Disorder News  Bipolar Help Contract  Bipolar World Forums  Book Reviews  Bookstore  BP & Other mental Illness   Clinical Research Trials & FDA Drug Approval   Community Support   Contact Us  The Continuum of Mania and Depression   Coping   Criteria    Criteria and Diagnosis  Criteria-World Health Disabilities,  DSMV-IV   Dual Diagnosis  eGroups  Expressions (Poetry, Inspiration, Humor, Art Gallery, Memorials  Family Members   Getting Help for a Loved One who Refuses Treatment  Greeting Cards  History of Mental Illness  Indigo  Job and School  Links    Medications   Medication and Weight Gain    News of the Day  Parent Chat  Pay for Meds  Personal Stories  Self Help  Self Injury  Significant Others  Stigma and Mental Health Law  Storm's Column  Suicide!!!  The Suicide Wall  Table of Contents  Treatments  Treatment Compliance  US Disability  Veteran's Chat  What's New?