1.) You refer to going to
the bathroom as downloading.
2.) You step out of your
room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't
have a clue as to when it happened.
3.) Your bookmark takes 15
minutes to go from top to bottom.
4.) Your nightmares are in
HTML and GIFS.
5.) You turn off your modem
and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the
plug on a loved one.
6.) You start introducing
yourself as "Jim at net dot com"
7.) Your heart races faster
and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site
address on TV.
8.) You turn on your
intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
9.) Your wife drapes a blond
wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
10.) All of your friends
have an @ in their names.
11.) When looking at a web
page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them
are already highlighted in purple.
12.) Your dog has its own
13.) You can't call your
mother... She doesn't have a modem.
14.) You check your mail. It
says "no new messages." So you check it again.
15.) Your phone bill is a
heavy as a brick.
16.) You write your homework
in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
17.) You don't know the sex
of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral
nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
18.) Your husband tells you
that he has had the beard for 2 months.
19.) You wake up at 3 a.m.
to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way
back to bed.
20.) You tell the kids they
can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" --
even though you don't have a job.
21.) You buy a Captain Kirk
chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
22.) Your wife makes a new
rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
23.) You get a tattoo that
says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."
24.) You never have to deal
with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you
never log off.
25.) The last girl you
picked up was only a GIF.
26.) You ask a plumber how
much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your
computer with a toilet.
27.) Your wife says
communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another
computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
28.) As your car crashes through the
guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to
search for the "back" button.
Top Ten Reasons that you might have Bi-polar disorder
10. You think Robin Williams should
9. You just bought the Kenny G and Berry Manilow box set just
8. You think going to bed on Monday and getting up on Friday is a
7. What do you mean you’re tired—I had only 3 orgasms!
6. You can not remember the number 7.
5 You know the names of at least three antidepressants and fifteen
4 Your cat’s name is Kay and your dog’s name is Jamison.
3 You bring your own research to the doctor’s.
2 You think a drive from Vancouver, BC to Miami is something to do
in four days.
And the Number One reason you may be Bipolar is:
1 Last night you understood the secrets to the universe and this
morning you are contemplating whether the jam goes on top of the
peanut butter or under it.
Or for those of you on the Net:
1B. You know who James is
Top 10 Reasons Your Girl Friend Might have Bi-Polar Disorder.
10. She is blond AND still has an IQ of 140.
9. She thinks PMS is for wimps.
8. There are times in the year were she STOPS talking.
7. She is the one in the Club dancing with glow sticks.
6. She takes drugs to have a normal state instead of freaking out.
5. One word - EXTREME
4. Always interesting.
3. DON’T PISS HER OFF.
2. Never any problem with money, because she will have spent it all.
And the Number One Reason You Know Your Girl Friend is Bi-Polar.
1. She is the most interesting ,smart, caring, beautiful, sexy,
person you will ever have the honor to meet.
instructor had just finished a lecture on
mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked,
would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth
screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a
chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, “A