(owner of the Bipolar Bulletin
Way back in the fall of 1998 when I, along with Kodiak and so many others
were on Colleen's and Dave's web site Playingwithmatches, Kodiak contacted me about a sensitive situation. One of our fellow Bipolars was in terrible
financial difficulty. He was being evicted from his apartment, his phone was about
to be cut off, his children wore torn clothes and winter as well as Christmas were
fast approaching. He asked me if I would help him raise some funds to help this
I don't know how much he managed to collect; all I did was contact
as many people as possible. But I know that he gave $1,000.00 out of his own
pocket. A week or two later I was contacted by our friend and he told me all that
he had been
able to do with the money Kodiak had sent him. The bills had been paid,
the children had clean second hand clothes and he had managed to put some aside
for some Christmas presents. But most importantly, there was food again on
the table. That is the kind of person Kodiak was.
When Playingwithmatches folded and I opened Bipolar Bulletin Board, I was
totally inexperienced and had no idea as to what I was getting myself into.
I just did
not want to lose my friends who had become my family. But I did need help.
Kodiak stepped in again and offered to help me with some letters sent to
male Bipolars, letters with the kind of problems that I could not handle.
In the past
year, I must have sent him dozens of such letters. He was always there
Sometime last summer, he injured his leg and had to be hospitalized. He
great pain and the doctors did not know at first what was wrong with him.
call him every night just to hear his voice to gauge his mood and see whether
not the pain had lessened somewhat. He stayed there about seven to eight
think. A few days after his release, he sent me twelve long stem roses.
was Kodiak and his way of saying thank you for the nights he spent talking
friend when he was scared and lonely. I kept one, pressed between a book
poetry, for this man was a poem.
Now most of you will probably find this story funny but, at the time, I
did not know
who else to turn to with a question concerning a subject everyone else
know about. I spend twelve, sometimes fifteen hours taking care of
the board and
replying to the emails I receive. I never surf unless I have to locate
needs help or if an intruder is causing trouble on the board. But like
all of us, I
have my pride and when some women (and you know who you are since I confessed
my ignorance! Lol!) would talk to me about this particular subject, women
have met on the board and later on became my friends, I pretended to know
about it and managed to get away with it. But I was becoming curious and
like to deceive them. Now the only person I could think of asking about
Kodiak, whom I have always trusted and knew would give me a straight answer.
one day, I asked him in an email: "Could you please explain to me what
means?" Now I can just picture all of you laughing, for here is a grown
married and everything, not knowing about this. But imagine just how
embarrassed I was when I found out what it was and from a man, no less!
Had I had
the vaguest idea, I most certainly would have asked a woman, of course.
replied to me in his kind and gentle way, without mocking me, or telling
"get with the program." He actually warned me about more than I cared to
And he did it in such a way that there was no awkwardness between us afterwards.
Kodiak was a gentleman to the bone.
There are so many things I could write here about this wonderful man. But
would probably turn into a book. And those are only some of the things
about. He might have helped you with legal matters or a loan and nobody
about it. He was the kind of man who got the job done and never mentioned
Dearest Ben, not a day goes by that I do not think about you. And as I
am typing this
homage to you, the tears are flowing abundantly. I must stop now for my
blurred. But my heart sees you clearly and always will. Goodbye, dear friend.
I love you.
Shall I compare you to a Summers day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough windes do shake the darling buds of Maie,
And Sommers lease hath all too short a date:
Sometimes too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd,
And every faire from faire some-time declines,
By chance, or nature changing course untrim'd:
But thy eternall Sommer shall not fade,
Nor lose posssession of that faire thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wandr'st in his shade,
When in eternall lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.