Q:  Convincing Others I Have BP

I was in the hospital and they diagnosed me with having bipolar type II. The other night I believe I had an episode I'm not sure though. The last time it's ever happend was in January. I feel like I am on top of the world sometimes like I can say whatever I want to and no one can stop me. I talk, shout really fast and I remember talking to that person but I don't remember what all I said to them I know I said mean things becasue they tell me the next day what I said and I can't believe I said those mean awful things. to hurt them I don't mean to it just happens. Now I have trouble sleeping and I feel depressed. I use to take Lithium but now I am off my parents insurance so I no longer take them or see my counselor that I've been seeing for about 4 years I find it difficult for me to do it alone. It seems I do it to people that are close to me or something that person does to upset me it happens I am scared of myself sometimes.  The persons I upset by doing this I said I was sorry to but they think it was a tempertantrum but I don't think that's true at all. They don't believe me that I have bipolar I have the proof but I don't want to send that info. and have it get into the wrong hands. Or use it against me as blackmail or show others that I am crazy I don't know what to do? I feel I need to take me meds again but they are sooo expensive. Do you think I had an episode? I feel plain awful I feel alive but mostly dead what should I do? I care about the people I hurt very much but they haven't spoken to me they know I love them. They tell me I am using this as a crutch but I am not I feel really bad for what happend. But how can I get them to believe me? How and will I ever feel better? I feel 10 years older than I am my eyes sure feel it. Please write me back if you can it would mean alot to me. Thanks for listening.  

Dear Ms. H' -- 
Looks like you don't have to take responsibility for convincing anybody -- the hospital admission gave you a diagnosis and somebody else thought bipolar enough to give you lithium.  So, the main issue is how are you going to get treatment, no?  After that you could worry about whether people will accept the diagnosis as the basis of your past behavior.  In any case, the primary responsibility you must take for your behavior is to get a treatment that might help prevent repeat episodes -- that's the responsibility of anyone who has an illness that can cause them to be unable to control their behavior.  Unfortunately , our medical care system has made it very difficult, if you don't have insurance or qualify for assistance in some way, especially for health care.  Here's a site you can check out for help with med' costs, but you need a doc' to run the show.  Hope you can figure that out soon.  

Dr. Phelps


Published September, 2001