Q:  Difficulties in Relationships w/Men

I AM A 26 YEAR OLD WOMAN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER. IHAVE BEEN HOSPITALIZED ONNCE FOR 11 DAYS AND INCARCERATED FOR A VERY VIOLENT MANIC EPISODE.I HAVE NEVER HAD HEALTHY LONGTERM RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN I WAS SEXUALLY MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSED AS A CHILD.I AM CURRENTLY INVOLVED IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A HEALTHY INDIVIDUIAL.I KNOW I HAVE PATTERNS OF PUSHING MYSELF AWAY FROM STABLE MEN A DEEP FEAR OF INTIMACY.I KNOW THIS MAN IS GOOD FOR ME BUT I DO THINGS TO SABOTAGE THE RELATIONSHIP.I WANT TO KNOW IF THIS IS BECAUSE OF MY BIPOLAR.ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT AND HOW I CAN EXPLAIN MY BEHAVIOR TO HIM WHEN I CANNOT EXPLAIN IT TO MYSELF SO I DO NOT SCARE HIM AWAY


Dear Tiffany -- 
I would guess from your description that this might be the best advice: "Get yourself a good psychotherapist and dig in for some serious work over 1-2 years, maybe longer, and it will be worth it.  If you're not convinced she/he's a good therapist, shop around a little bit at first (here's some advice on finding a good one )."  That advice holds even if you're seeing a psychiatrist for medications; she or he could be a candidate for therapist too, but it doesn't have to be that way.  Get a small second job if you have to (and are able, like you're not a single mom or something) to pay privately for your therapist, if you can, because that way no insurance company is going to dictate who you can see and how long.  Good luck to you. 

Dr. Phelps