This is a journal of my life throughout the years, it goes as follows.

          1. Extensive use of drugs and alcohol.
          2. Lying, cheating, stealing and getting into fights.
          3. Getting into trouble with the law.
          4. Almost kicked out of military for my actions.
          5. Marriage was in jeopardy.
          6. My child is still frightened on me (somewhat).
          7. My family is in debt because of me.
          8. Very abusive behaviors.


Things that have changed recently due to diagnosis and medicine.

         1. I can sleep better at night.
         2. Wife and kid are starting to trust me more.
         3. More calm headed, easier to get along with.
         4. I don't feel tense as much.
         5. I don't bite my fingernails.
         6. I don't tap my feet when sitting down anymore.
         7. More attention spans.
         8. Slowed down speech.
         9. Less tendencies to spend money.
       10. Easier to along with in morning.


This is the story of my disease and me. I was born in New York over 32 years ago. My childhood was somewhat normal except that I was a quite deviate child and that I could get into trouble without my parents knowing. As time went on I got into trouble as a teenager and I now couldn't cover up the trouble, as there was too much of it around me. I would constantly break things, steal from people, use drugs and alcohol all of the time, get into fights and many more bad things.

Around June of 1988 I graduated from high school and this really scared me because I had a shelter (school and home).  I lived for a few years home and moved out when I met my future wife. We had a rocky relationship and we always had fights where I would call her mean names and break things. Years down the road we got married and went into the military hoping I could escape everything- wrong, actually things didn't change at all.

I was in the military over 7 years and got into a lot of trouble, went to anger management classes about 5 times and was referred to mental health. Metal Health in the military isn't cut out to be what it is.  They told me to settle down and relax, not knowing what was wrong with me. While in the military back in 1996 the wife had a daughter and things still didn't change.  I separated from the military September of 2000 and moved back to New York, another mistake.

My family and I lived in New York for about 8 months which was very stressful due to the following- my mom getting diagnosed with Bipolar and being put into State Hospital 3 times, daughter breaking her leg sledding, and last of all me getting laid-off from my job.   

My family and I moved here in May of 2001 for a job that I got hired for.  Awhile after I got here problems started to arise again and it got to the point where the wife and kid wanted to move away. I was fighting with everyone and even my boss was getting sick of my attitude.