i would say my childhood was pretty normal (ha except my dad has bi-polar too) so i'm not going to touch that. so let me start with how i first came to realise i 
needed help.

from like high school on i was never very confident in myself 
except in work or things i made so i put too much on things instead of ME.  so 
after i quit school i started working construction and concentrated on that 
instead of really taking time to grow as a person.  so i would work many hours 
and to tell the truth it did make me feel good that i could lets say OUT DO 
the other guys.  but in the long run didn't do me any good cause we are all 
replaceable and if we start too much sh** well you know! so then i was kinda 
going job to job and getting more disgusted with being treated like dirt.  

but at that point i met my wife and had kids so had to pay the bills. also the 
fact that having kids put a lot more stress on me and started having trouble 
dealing with it (and of course my wife) so we started fighting a lot more and 
so we come to what finally made me realize somethin aint right lol.  i had put 
my head through the wall during a fight (banged my head and punched walls 
a lot back then) so went to family doctor and he started me off on anti 
depressants which sent me manic and started my hell of finding the right 
combo of meds.

so today i feel lucky that i have found something that works, because it took hitting bottom to get me there ,and see that at least there's hope .

the past year i was in hospital three times each of which ive learned quite a bit and gotten to meet some great people (and some that aren't) so before the hospitals and stuff i never had anyone that i could chat with who lived it.  

so to close id like to share a few things that ive learned the hard way! so maybe someone else doesnt have to go through it. 

first would be DON'T SWITCH meds near christmas!  do research on meds before 
because my wife had found the one works for me, also having a seizure cause of 
meds, thank god i wasn't driving at the time. and that even if you do go to 
hospital and get help don't count on them for everything because last visit i 
took a walk to the top of the parking garage looked down and and thought 
what the he** am i doing here, so after being out for like 45mins security saw 
me and said we've been looking all over for you so i said to them "where do 
ya think a suicdal patient would go? duh up!!!" so even with help its not 
always what it should be.

but i have to thank my wife for all she's done and put up with!!!! I LOVE YOU JEN . and hope if your reading this and looking for answers ,well its usually right next to you so reach out and touch someone. ERIC