Jennifer's Bipolar Story

My story will be short because I really don't know how to describe it but I
will tell the truth about my life.....

I have always been a very active girl since childhood. In my early teens
things changed my grandfather died and I went into a deep depression. I was
an A student and then things changed my grades dropped to Ds and Fs, I was
so depressed that I didn't want to do anything. I started  to become a teen
with a troubled life and I knew that something was wrong but, I didn't want
to admit it. I hide my feelings with anger, I lashed out at my family for my
problems....

I will skip to when I became manic and depressed.....

When I was in 9th grade I went on home study, I started to do good I thought
that finally my life would become normal, but, it didn't I started to drink
and smoke to control my moods. I was constantly going up and down and my
emotions would change so fast I couldn't control myself anymore. I started
to flirt with older men hoping for love and to distract myself. It helped
sometimes, but before I turned 16 I became involved with a guy who I thought
was nice. One day he asked me to go to his house, so I did we started to
mess around and then the next thing I knew was that he wanted sex and I
didn't. He got mad and I was raped, I hide it from people for 6 months I was
depressed the whole time, blaming myself for it. My mom knew that something
was wrong and confronted me I finally got mad and told her. My parents were
upset and I think they did not know what to do, and my dad would not talk to
me, so that sent me into depression again. I thought my dad hated me for it.
I would lay in bed and cry myself to sleep for weeks, a month later I became
manic again and started to drink and smoke pot. It helped take the edge off
in a way it was medication for me. I was manic for a week and then depressed
for a week this went on for a while and it was like that for about 3 yrs.

I will skip to when I was 19 yrs old......

When I turned 19 I went to Colorado and lived with my grandparents I thought
that getting away from it all would help me. My sister Michelle was dignosed
with Biopolar while I was away , my grandma noticed that I had the same
symtoms that she had so she sent up an appointment with a pychitrist to find
out what was wrong with me. I went and while talking to the Doctor he
noticed right away that I was Biopolar he immediatly put me on Neourontin.
It helped and for the first time I felt normal. A month later that changed
and I was again depressed this time I
attempted suicide. My doctor then increased the amount of pills I was
taking. A couple weeks later I became manic and started to fight with my
grandparents I then moved out and lived with a girl I did not know. I
stopped taking my medication and relied on speed and pot to help my moods.
It got to the point where I knew I needed help so I then moved back to my
parents house and they then helped me get back on my medication and helped
me with my drug and alchol abuse. I have had a hard time adjusting to the
fact that I have a mental disorder. On December the 31 I again attempted
suicide this time I took 12 sleeping pills my father found out and I was
rushed to the hosipital. my doctor again increased my meds and I have been
seeing a counselor. It has been helping me and I have now accepted the fact
that I have a mental disorder and that I need help.

I hope that this will help others to be able to accept help and feel free to
let them help I know that now that I am accepting help that is s helping me
to get through this rough time in my life.