Jim's Story

As I look back on my life, I never  understood. How is it that one man could have all these life experiences at 37? Was it really possible for one man to go through all these wonderful things, and at the same time live in a nightmare?

My story began a long time ago. My Mother left me at the age of two, with my Father remarrying soon after. I never saw my Mother again until I was sixteen. Probably the first of many "wild rides" from this dreadful disease.

My childhood was one of alcoholism and violence. Both my Father and my Stepmother had no way to control me. I guess they figured the best way to do that would be to drink and then just find something to beat on. Although I still have no memory of this, my neighbor would later tell me that there were many times I would show up on their doorsteps bloodied and bruised. I guess I must have just blocked it out.

At the age of sixteen, my Mother had contacted me and wanted to see me. I agreed, and left for Ohio to visit. She told me she was on her third marriage and that I had two sisters from her last marriage, as well as a brother from her current one. Her current husband was an alcoholic, as well as a deadbeat as far as I was concerned. I did however spend some time there and enjoyed it as much as I possibly could. I then returned home to Rochester, NY and continued the "wonderful" childhood. About three weeks later, my Father had once again told me I was not going out of the house for some reason. I told him, "whatever, I will just go to Ohio and live with my mother" I then proceeded to run away in the 10 degree weather. I went to the bank and withdrew all the money I had saved from working in the summer and bought a ticket to Cleveland. Oh yes, and still had money for the ONE HOUR cab ride to her house. I arrived and she proceeded to send me home again.

My final days of High School were pretty good. I was Class President for two years. I was basically a pretty popular kid. I guess I just got along with everyone. It was then that I met my wife. She worked in the grocery store where I was employed. I then decide to go into the Army where I was a Military Policeman. When I was 19, I was so lonely, I told her to come live with me. Her mother hated me. But she did come down and the following year, we were married. I was then told that I was being sent to Germany, and that I would have to sign up for three more years if I wanted to take my wife. So I did. At this point, things began to get worse. I started to get involved in drugs and experimented with cocaine. I also began to stray from my wife. I slept with some women whose name I do not even know, and did not come home for 2 nights.
I then went into work and was given a surprise urinalysis test, which came up positive for cocaine. I was about to thrown out of the military. By some unusual circumstance, they had to recall all the tests, and I was cleared of all charges after I was discharged.

I then went to work in Security at the University. I also strayed from my wife again. This time the excuse I used was that she was pregnant. Once my son was born, things calmed down a bit. I was accepted into the Sheriffs Dept. I graduated 1st in the academy. I was on a roll. Then things really fell apart.

I began hanging out late at night. I got involved with a woman who told me she was pregnant by me and that if I didn’t leave my wife she would kill both of us. Imagine that, threatening a Police Officer. Well she wasn’t pregnant, and I went back to my wife. Meanwhile, I had spent thousands and the well was running dry. At this point I just up and left my wife. With no place to go, I stayed here and there and finally got an apartment I then started dating a woman who attempted to kill herself over me because I told her I didn’t want to see her again. So guess what I did? You guessed it, I moved in with her. Of course I had to make sure I slept with her best friend first. After several breakups with this woman, I decided to marry her. What a wedding we planned. 20,000 worth of wedding. My best friend flew in from Detroit. What a time we were going to have!!! There was only one problem. I wasn’t divorced yet. Although we had been separated for three years, they still needed to be signed. So the wedding go off and we go on a lovely honeymoon of fighting and arguing. My moods at that point were completely out of control.

We came back and I was told by Internal Affairs that they needed to see me. When I went in they told me they were going to charge me with a number of things. Bigamy, fraud, you name it. My new wife had turned me in, and never even discussed it with me. I came home and my belongings were on the porch. I was homeless, and jobless. My father came and picked up the pieces. I stayed for a short period of time at his house, where I lost 45lbs in 4 weeks. My head was racing at a million miles an hour. The mental abuse from my family didn’t help either.

Finally, a friend that I had known for some time called and said I could become a roommate with her. Over the next few months, I completely took advantage of the situation. I had a couple of jobs to cover the rent and was walking to wherever I needed to be. I had no car, nor have I had one for the last 6 years. I always took advantage of the situation when I needed to. CREATIVITY. The woman I lived with had romantic feelings toward me, however there were no feelings from me. I actually brought someone home with me one night. What a scene that was. I started hanging out with strippers and the drug use continued, but it never seemed to get out of hand. I sporadically saw my son, and paid child support occasionally.

I then was offered a position with the US Government. I said, this is where I can turn my life around. I of course did not tell the truth about my qualifications, but was given the job anyway. I was to a Financial Analyst. I was sent to California for the earthquake in 1994 to loan money to businesses to damaged businesses. They also gave me a Credit card with no limit. What a mistake that was! Another lavish spending spree in the thousands. Well I then took another position with a bank after I lost that job. I was doing quite well and then another bad relationship. The added stress caused me to quit one day on the spot. At thi9s point my girlfriend had left and taken everything with her. I had nothing once again. I had 100.00 left in my pocket, so I took a bus back to New York. My father once again picked me up, I stayed with him and the same woman I had once lived with before asked me to come back for financial reasons. I had owed her money and she said I could live here if I paid her back. So I took a job at Ballys as a personal Trainer. Didn’t have the slightest clue what to do, but I learn fast. I walked 8 miles a day to and from work in blinding snowstorms. I also worked out an additional 4 hours. The energy level was just too high. It still wasn’t enough. I also lost that job.

The final chapter began at the beginning of the year. There are several other episodes that I could talk about, but you get the idea. I took a position at a local company selling computer hardware. I knew Nothing about hardware, but due to my creativity, I was able to get the position I became successful was again, very quickly. I also made a lot of money, fast. I met a waitress in a strip club. We eventually started dating. I sent her 13 dozen roses in thirteen weeks (not too manic!) I then moved in with her. I was also offered another position at another company. I had met the President at a local bar and he offered me the job, practically on the spot. I lasted a whole two months there. That alone is a story in itself. Pretending to be someone I wasn’t. Well of course there was no money left (I had moved in with her after only 3 months of dating) I told her I would place a substantial amount of money into her account. Of course I hadn't a penny. Well she eventually found out and threw me into the street. This time was different though. All the people that had been in my life were fed up with me, including my family. I sat in a coffee shop and thought I have a real problem. Why do I act like this? My head was racing so fast, I just wanted all this to go away. So I checked myself into the hospital. I am now on Social Security and bought my Christmas dinner with food stamps. I have been diagnosed with BPll. I have been on medication for about two weeks. I have to rebuild my entire life. I had no ID when I went to the hospital. I have nothing but a roof over my head and constant visions of my past.

I could go on and on about all the things I have accomplished or destroyed in my life, but I am sure you have heard enough. I hope this story will help at least one lost soul in this world. I have a long way to go, but I will tell you one thing, I will never give up. I will not let this disease get the best of me anymore. It has taken enough of my life. I want to keep the rest.