My name is Kim and im 27 years old. I was born in a small town in California called Vallejo.  I have no recognition of it since my
mother left the state before or
shortly after my first Birthday.   Most of my memories come from Texas where i was raised.  At age 8 is when i first have recognition
of getting what i now know was
mixed emotions.  I remember going to a family reunion at my Aunt Margies house
and man there were people everywhere.  Only there was one in  particular that i will never forget.Her name was Ruby.   I remember her
walking up to me and telling me how cute i was.   Meanwhile I'm thinking this women was nuts.  I'd never seen her a day in my life.  She
made the statement to me and asked me when i was going home with her???   I told her i would go home and pack and be on my
way...Surprise..Surprise
Needless did i know My Mom would actually make me go to "IDAHO"!   Luckily after crying my eyes out to my oldest sister she came to
my rescue and went with me for support.  I was there only a year but remember having mixed thought that i wasnt wanted by my
mother and i couldnt understand or will i ever understand "WHY"
In 1982 I was finially able to reunite with my mother coming back to Texas.   The year i returned I was really in for a surprise.  I
began dealing with things from my Grandfather that no kid should ever experience period. Yes.  The sexual abuse.If that wasn't
enough,  what little time i got to spend with my biological father has left me with a lifetime of memories of the sexual abuse from him
too.     At age 12 my mother met her 4th husband and decided to marry. They talked of moving to Tennessee where i live now. Having
talked about it for a few weeks I remember my head spinning with thoughts.  I carried with me to Tennessee and extra set of
luggage which contained the secrets of the sexual abuse swearing i would never tell anyone.   I felt so alone and so ashamed.  After
getting to Tennessee thinking the nightmare was over i began having female problems.   My mother wanted to take me to the Dr and
get me checked out.  I began to panic.  She told me what they would do in a pap smear.  And all i could think was that i had to find
away to tell mom before she found out i was no longer a virgin. So I told her with the help of a neighbor.  I was never asked if i wanted
to see a counselor or did I ever seek help until i was age 18 on my own.  I couldnt bear to relive the story so i dropped the therapy.  At
age 18 i had my first son.  I was so happy thinking I finially had someone in my life i could truly trust.    A healthy Baby boy,He was
so perfect to me in everyway and i couldnt have asked for a better behaving child.   At age 5 it all started.  He began acting out and
jumping off school buses. He went into the hospital and they diagnosed him as 
having Depression.   After being hospitalized 2 more times they diagnosed him with BiPolar, This has been really hard since i have
never recieved treatment myself.   I now know that a Manic Depressant which is what I was diagnosed with is the same thing as
BiPolar.Today at 27 i fear everything normal. I fear being normal I guess.  I know I must now seek treatment to be able to help my
son.He is on 4 diffrent medications at the present time and i keep telling myself if he can do it i can too.   But its not that easy since
medication is one of the things i fear most. I also have a heart murmer and mitral valve prolapse which im on no medication for. It
has gotten to the point where i look at "TYLENOL" twice before taking it.  In 1993 i got married and had my second child in 94'.
Hoping the road would be better I found out my daughter was legally Blind having an eye disorder called Achromatopsia,So with
what little sanity i have left i have dedicated it to seeking help for my kids.  I now know that its time i start helping myself,In closing if
anyone out there would care to just talk or lend a few gentle words of advice you can email me at the following address.

dreamchaser27@mindspring.com
 

Thanks Kim,
Colleen

 

 

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