Email Suzy

Please Note:  This story involves self-harm and self-mutilation.  Do not read if this is a trigger topic for you.

 

 

Hi. My name is Suzy. I am 18 years old.  I saw your website, and read some of the stories, and I felt that if people like me read these stories and realized how bad cutting really is for you, then it might help someone to either never start, or to go for help early.  I know reading it really did open my eyes a little.

 

I started cutting in 8th grade. I used to just take tiny little pins and scratch myself, nothing to ever draw blood. Just kind of to relieve a little stress. Then things started to get worse Ė more stressful - so I started to cut my wrist, all up and down my wrist. I attempted to hide it, but my mom found out somehow and put me in therapy.

 

I stopped cutting my wrist for a while and started cutting my leg, deep painful cuts, a lot worse than I did on my arm, even though those were pretty bad.  I have some nasty scars
 from that. My leg seemed like a good idea, until I really become a self-mutilator, to where the blood would drip down my leg and just not stop.


I wrote words like DIE or LIES or ex boyfriends names. I wrote them deep, they kind of look like scar tattoos now. I stopped for a really long time after I tried to kill myself. I took a bunch of pills and my ex boyfriend called my mom and they rushed me to the hospital. I was on strict lock down and had major check ups because they were trying to send me to an institution.

 

Things started to get a little better and I cut my leg less and less, they just became tiny nicks, or x's, nothing that anyone would notice, and I hid them well. A few months went by and I had not cut. Recently I started to cut again, worse this time.  I went back to the wrist and became so sneaky at it. I wrap my wrist up like  when you get blood taken so all the blood concentrates on one place,  put a doctors glove on, and cut till it bubbles and bleeds all over.

 

Nothing can relieve me like cutting can, its like a drug, but better. Iíve become so physically and mentally out of control it hurts. I want to tell someone, but im scared. Im scared that one of these days Iíll go too deep and I wont get to live my life. I donít do it to kill myself; I donít know why sometimes - I just need to do it.

 

I wish someone would help me stop, itís not worth it and I know it, but itís so hard. Get help as soon as you can, Iíve been cutting for 5 years, the longer you do it, the harder it is to stop.
 
Please put this on your website for allot he people that need help out there. Please let me know if it goes on your website. You can put my e-mail address so people can talk to me I donít mind being contacted, Iíd rather help people then let them go through what I have.

Thank you so much.

 

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