BiPolar Rapid Cycling, No Bike Required
by Storm
August 8, 2000 

Up/Down Hi/Low Me or Me? 
I do not ever mean to make light of our disease, but I do have a sarcastic and dry humor so in advance, I apologize to those of you with a more normal sensibility. The horrific baggage I've unconsciously lugged around since childhood and adulthood, have given birth to a very sarcastic, pessimist. But for some reason I'm the one people say should have been a stand up comedian. Go figure.

They (always seems to be a "they" doesn't there) have decided that I was born with this disease. I
have live most of my 43 years in a mixed state that has Always included rapid cycling. I rapid cycled so fast that my own birth was a month early. They (there they are again) claim I am a bit unique in that I can rapid cycle within minutes. If that's the case, how the heck do they know when I'm not if "they"only have a minute to check.

Nonetheless, I do and I will till I go where ever we go at the end. I enjoy my rapid cycling at the moderate level. But I annoy the hell out of anyone who is within a 5 mile radius of me. I'll talk to myself, my computer, my flowers, cats...a piece of newspaper if it happens to catch my attention. 

I'm on 2400mg Neurontin, Effexor XR (which to me is the antidepressant of the Gods), Klonopin (which has caused me to lose a job and yeah, I know, it's illegal but fighting it isn't worth the hassle), hmmmmm what am I forgetting...OH...Zyprexa, two dif strengths too.
It gets old, it gets new, it gets confusing. But it's my lifeline. Without them I would either have hurt someone or myself or end up in a padded cell so thick that even the USN Seals couldn't penetrate it. 

Now "they" tell me I also have in combination with my BP, I now have the pleasure of taking on Dissociative personality disorder. Check the spelling on that one because my attention span is a nanosecond and I wont remember to. "They" claim that's what is responsible for those lost memories......like what I just typed 5 minutes ago.

I wish "they" and I could have a cup o' java at Starbucks. Then sometimes I just wish "They" would forget about my slightly uncontrolled chaotic neurotransmitters and leave it be. But alas, I don't want to act like a shrieking, crying, creature. So I swallow it all up. And yeah. all those pills. I feel like my grandmother's medicine chest.

I'm going to two universities at once....talk about your rapid cycling......and I still have my UPS and DOWNS but then everyone does. For the rest of you, give the meds time to work, talk to others, keep a lifeline out there in the reality of the real world and let's go cycling. 

 

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