I've sat and thought alot about this. How it effects you. How people behind that monitor are real. Become more than just a screen.

I have always known this. Have many friends..on-line buddies that I laugh with. Talk to..have cried with. They mean alot. Somehow become real. Become part of your life.

Now...it also means more.

Since I found out about Michael's disorder. Trying to grasp this and learn about this. I now know that Michael rapid cycles more than anything. He can not focus or grasp one thought.

Not about his past, not about his future, not about us. I said before the rational intellectual side of me knows these things, and can accept and deal with it. But then there is the emotional side, than can not understand this. That feels hurt.

This is why I choose this article to write. See, I have never, till now, joined a chat room. Spoke to people like this.

I went into the chat room the other day, here at Bipolar World, and spoke with others who are bipolar and people who are not. People who are like myself..love and care very deeply for someone who is. Talking with these people is so much a comfort. Hearing people who have this disorder answer questions for me that Michael at this time can not find answers. Hearing them say words that Michael has also said to me but I couldn't understand from him.

Speaking with people who also are trying to understand and learn. Trying to deal and cope, and know what they are to do and what not to do.

Without Internet chat with these people, all the reading in the world would NOT have got me this far. Talking with others. People who KNOW just what you are going through, yet at the same time are not as close, do not have that emotional attachment. Can be objective and see things that you can not.

Even though those people are right around the corner, or a 1000 miles away. They become real. The become guidance and support. They become endurance where none can be found. They are the understanding that you sit and cry for when those closest to you can not see. Sometimes, words are easier said without a face.

I am trying to get Michael to join in on chats. I truly believe this will help him understand more of what he is enduring as well as what I am enduring.

Right now he won't, or maybe its that he can't. He has a thousand thoughts and can't get an answer for one. He can't resolve one issue in his life.

 You see...if it was not for your chat room. If it was not for speaking with others, asking questions that I just don't understand. Hearing people tell me its OK to cry and feel confused. If it wasn't for that I could not handle this. I would have believed , no matter what he told me, that he WAS indeed pushing me away. I would have walked out of his life and not looked back and I don't think, he could handle that.

I write these articles for understanding myself. To help me comprehend what I have read. I write them with the hope that they will help someone else also.